


How I found you (and how I lost myself)

by orphan_account



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mutant Powers, Post-X-Men: Apocalypse (2016), Post-X-Men: Days of Future Past, Scott Needs A Hug, Scott-Centric, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-07 17:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19214119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dreams of his supposedly dead brother motivate Scott to go find him, and with the unexpected (yet somewhat appreciated) help from Logan and willingness from Hank, it might be possible.Well, it was possible because Scott knew his brother wasn’t dead. People may think he was crazy and Hell, he just might be, but Scott was going to find Alex-and he was going to find himalive.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay just to clear this all up real quick: 
> 
> Scott is the older brother (like he is in canon) and he joined Alex in the FC days. Then the events of Apocalypse takes place, then Dofp. No one has heard from Alex and assumes that he is dead.
> 
> This might have more plot holes than any Marvel movie but ignoring the logistics, it makes sense...
> 
> I’m sorry if there is any confusion with the timeline but I will answers any questions about it as best as I can!!!
> 
> Anyway-
> 
> Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think!!!!

_When he opened his eyes, he saw sunshine. He actually saw sunshine for the first time in thirty years. He wanted to close his eyes and embrace this moment, enjoy the feeling of the sun on his skin yet at the same time, he didn’t want to miss it._

_The sound of waves crashing filled his ears and he embraced the blue of the ocean; his eyes nearly watering from the sight because he also hadn’t seen blue in many years as well._

_The only color he ever saw was red, but everything here was everything but red._

_Where was he anyway? A beach or some sorts, he knew that much. It was a nice beach too; the sand was nice and warm on his bare feet and he felt himself relax completely._

_“Scott.”_

_He turned his head at the sound of his name, his eyes meeting blue eyes that almost resembled his own. Only difference was those eyes were brighter and all too familiar._

_“Alex.”_

_Alex smiled. He looked content, at peace like how he should be. Scott, however, was far from being at peace._

_“I miss you.” Scott walked closer to him, staring down at his younger brother and resting a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze._

_God Alex felt so real. It was almost like he was._

_“You don’t have to miss me, you know. You can just forget.”_

_Scott scoffed at that and shook his head, looking down at Alex a little scornfully. “I could never forget about you, Alex.”_

_“Come find me then.”_

_Alex pulled out of Scott’s touch and started to walk away. Scott tried to reach out to him but Alex’s arm became transparent and Scott’s hand went right through it._

_“Alex! Alex wait!”_

 

 

“Alex.”

Scott’s eyes almost snapped open, but he quickly realized that he was wearing his sleeping mask. In order to not burn it or his bedroom to crisps, he reached his hand over to his nightstand and fumbled around until he found his glasses and slid them on.

Once he opened his eyes, he glanced at his clock to see it was almost three in the morning. Well, at least he got four hours of sleep in.

He threw his comforter off of him and swung his legs to the side, staring down at his clammy and shaking hands. It was like he could still feel Alex, feel how alive he felt to him.

Scott felt a hand on his shoulder and he let out a small sigh. “I woke you again, didn’t I?” He croaked out, his voice being rough and his throat feeling dry.

“It’s alright,” Jean soothed, pressing a kiss to the back of his head. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s always the same one.” Scott picked at his cuticles while his eyes pricked with tears. “He’s always telling me to go find him. Find that beach and go to where he is.” His throat tightened at that point and Scott decided it was best to stop talking altogether.

“Alex’s way of showing you that he’s at peace.”

Scott nodded, hanging his head down low. He wanted to believe Jean, truly he did, but he just couldn’t. It had been at least two decades since Alex died and everyone believed him to be dead, but Scott didn’t. Jean knew he didn’t either and no one could convince him that his brother was truly dead either.

“Yeah, guess so,” he finally replied to Jean’s statement, getting up from the bed and going off to the bathroom. Scott closed the door as he turned the lights on, gaping at his own reflection in the mirror. 

These dreams affected him like nightmares. Bags had long been formed under his eyes, bad enough to the point where they went below the lens on his glasses. He was premature graying as well, possibly due to the stress he was feeling too. 

That stress had nothing to do with Alex and his dreams either, but he didn’t want to delve into that now.

Scott turned the faucet on and splashed some cold water onto his face, not caring that he got his glasses wet. He knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep at this point and he didn’t want Jean to help him get back to sleep either. It was her usual offer too, but he never took it.

Turning the bathroom light off, Scott quietly exited the room and looked to see Jean was back in bed and sound asleep once more. He slipped on a pair of slippers and left the bedroom, taking his time walking down the halls and stairs of the mansion.

When he reached the main floor, Scott headed off to the kitchen, thinking a cup of tea would do him some good. 

He flicked the lights of the island on and jumped back as he saw someone was there. He wasn’t expecting anyone to be up this late, or early he should say, but he wasn’t surprised to see who it was either. 

“Logan,” he greeted with a slight nod, walking over to the cupboard to grab himself a mug. Scott glanced at the other mutant seeing he had a cigar in his mouth, making him let out a huff of disapproval. “You know you can’t smoke in here.”

“Can’t smoke it if it ain’t lit.”

Scott sighed. “Good point.” He grabbed a tea bag from one of the shelves and plopped it in his mug, grabbing the kettle on the stove and filling it up with water.

“You alright, Slim?” Logan barked at him and Scott shrugged. “You agreeing with me isn’t...you.”

“Just tired.” Scott set the kettle down on the stove and turned it on, watching it heat up.

“If you were tired you’d be sleeping.”

“So would you.”

Logan huffed. “Never said I was tired.”

A minute went by of complete silence before Logan spoke again.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Scott turned around to face him completely, crossing his arms over his chest. “And what makes you think that I’d want to talk about it with you?”

“Clearly something’s bugging you so much that you won’t talk to Chuck or Jeanie ‘bout it.” Scott rolled his eyes, not that Logan could see. “You’re gonna need something stronger than tea if you’re having what I think you’re having.”

“That would be-?”

Logan took the cigar out of his mouth and started to twirl it with his fingers. “I know a nightmare when I see one. They’re not foreign to me,” he muttered and Scott rubbed at his temples, feeling a headache coming on.

“You’re wrong, I didn’t have a nightmare. I don’t get those.” The kettle started to whistle and Scott tended to his tea, pouring it into his mug and letting it seep.

“Well aren’t ya lucky?” Logan grunted to himself and resumed his cigar chewing. “Wanna know something? You ain’t no different in any place I’ve known you.”

Scott turned around again, giving Logan a peculiar look. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” he waved his hand in the air, “before the world went to shit. You and me,” he let out a faint laugh, “nothing changed.”

Scott blinked. How could he forget Logan’s _heroic_ act? Then again, lack of sleep and slight depression could be due to his forgetfulness, but that was besides the point. The point was though that Logan changed the future. Maybe enough that he could’ve saved Alex.

“When you came back, people that were dead were alive, right?” Logan nodded. “Like who?”

“You, Jean, Hank,” he listed off. “Lots of people.”

“Did-Did you know my brother?” 

Logan’s eyebrows knitted together. “You have a brother?”

Scott shook his head and turned back to his tea, losing his taste for it and dumping it down the sink without even drinking it. “Forget it. I’m sure you’re just going to think I’m crazy like everyone else.” He said the last part under his breath and set his mug down in the sink, walking out of the kitchen.

The thing about Alex’s death was that Scott wasn’t even there when it happened. Last thing he ever heard of Alex was that he was in prison, and that was long after Scott left for college too. Maybe if he stayed things would’ve been different, a lot different.

Scott supposed he’d just have to take Charles’ word for it. Afterall, he was there when it happened.

But so was Hank…

Although it was late, Hank was more likely to be up this time of night out of everybody, which motivated Scott to go down the hall to the lab, hoping to get some answers this time of night. Hank would possibly tell him what Jean and Charles have been telling him for years: Alex was dead. But Hank was smart, one of the smartest people Scott knew and he knew Alex just as well as Scott did.

Scott saw a stream of light under the door and a wave of relief flooded through him as he opened up the door, grateful it was unlocked. Maybe Hank wouldn’t think Scott was crazy, then again, he wasn’t crazy, he was determined. Determined to get some answers and he would get those answers from-

“Scott. Something I can help you with?” Hank adjusted his glasses, blinking a couple times to probably see if Scott was actually there and not Hank being sleep deprived and hallucinating his presence.

“I came to talk to you...about Alex.” Hank’s shoulders visibly tensed and Scott mustered up a small smile, trying to give him some ease but Hank didn’t take it. 

“What about your brother?”

Hank turned his attention back to the files on his desk, rummaging through them as if he was looking for something. Or at least pretending to be looking for something to avoid conversation.

“Do you still think about him?” 

Hank stopped his shuffling and turned back to Scott, sadness overcoming his face instantly. “Not a day goes by that I don’t. You know,” he spoke lighter, trying to brighten the dismal mood, “if Alex was here, he would tell me to stop being so morbid and move on with my life. And I have, but I could never forget about him, no one can.” Scott nodded in agreement; his gut telling him that both Charles and Jean would probably not agree with him on that. “I apologize if this is rude of me but why the sudden interest of your brother?”

“Every night, I dream of him. Always the same place, same words exchanged. It happens over and over again,” he sighed as he dragged out a stool, slumping down on it. “And every time I reach out to him, wanting him not to leave, he does. He always leaves.” His eyes watered again and Scott swallowed down the sudden lump in his throat. 

“What does he say?”

“I tell him I miss him, then he tells me to not miss him and forget about him-typical Alex,” both him and Hank let out a faint laugh at that, “and then he tells me to come find him. He always tells me to come find him and maybe it’s about time I stopped sitting around and actually did something about it,” he huffed. 

“Scott-

“Don’t,” he snapped and met Hank’s eyes, glaring at him slightly under his visor, not that he could see, “don’t tell me that he’s dead. Logan went back, Hank. He went back and he changed things, changed Alex’s future and he could still be here.”

“But if Alex was alive, wouldn’t he be here?”

Scott shrugged, not knowing the answer himself. “I don’t know.” Even though Hank did have a point; if Alex was around and about, wouldn’t he be at the mansion to be with everyone? Unless Alex didn’t want to be at the mansion with everyone for some absurd reason…

“Hank,” he started again, “you saw it happen, right?”

“Technically, all I saw was a blast. Alex was the closest to it so we all assumed-

“ _Assumed_ he was dead. But what if he isn’t? What if Alex is still out there?”

Hank ran a paw through his hair and gave Scott a weird expression. “Scott, it’s late and I see these dreams-

“Hank please,” he begged, “just think about it.” Scott gave him a final look before walking towards the door of the lab.

“Wouldn’t Charles look for him?” Hank called after him and Scott glanced back at him.

“He could, but he doesn’t believe me.” Scott left the lab then and decided on heading back upstairs.

If no one would believe him then that was fine with Scott, he didn’t _need_ anyone to believe him. He believed in himself and he believed that his brother was alive and Scott was going to do something about it too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is here, enjoy!!!

“Alright class, please take your seats.” Scott greeted his first period with a warm smile, trying not to distinguish the fact that he was painfully tired. After his encounter with Hank last night, Scott went back upstairs to bed and stared at his ceiling for about three hours till he got up and started his day.

Unfortunately, that was his usual nightly routine, minus the conversation with Hank and Logan of course. He should probably invest into some sleeping pills, despite both Jean and Charles encouraging him not to make such a silly investment when they could just help him sleep himself.

Scott didn’t want that. He didn’t want to sleep because when he slept, he saw Alex and it was always painful to see Alex and even more painful to be around people who didn’t believe he could possibly be alive.

“Mr. Summers.” He blinked out of his thoughts, coming back to his reality. God he could really use a cup of coffee right now, especially since he had to go through four more periods after this. “Mr. Summers,” was said again and Scott looked at the desk closest to him, seeing Kitty Pryde was giving him a concerned look. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” he lied and picked up the book on his desk, presenting it to the class, “I was just lost in thought regarding your reading assignment. Would anyone like to tell me what their favorite part was?” Some students let out giggles and others exchanged looks which Scott found quite odd. Kitty raised her hand and Scott gestured for her to answer.

“Mr. Summers, you never gave us a reading assignment. This is health class.”

“You’re exactly right, Kitty. I was testing you all.” He gave everyone another smile and the class burst into giggles. “Yes everyone, it is very,” he flipped the book over and scowled, “funny.”

_Dream Dictionary_

_for_

**_DUMMIES_ **

There could only be one culprit behind this, technically two but Hank would never do such a thing, and it had to be no one other than Logan. He was such a prick! Even this was a low blow for him.

“Alright class, I want you all to start reading chapter five which I believe is the human reproductive system. I’m sure you will all find that very interesting. I will be back in a minute,” Scott quickly announced to his class before he strode out of the classroom, book in hand.

History, for Scott’s inconvenience at this moment, was on the second floor of the mansion. The hallways were empty since everyone should be inside their respective classrooms, and needless to say, Logan’s first period would sure get a real show.

Scott stomped his way up the stairs and down the hall, barging into Logan’s classroom and slamming the door to get everyone’s attention. Scott then proceeded to throw the book at Logan, which he of course dodged and the book landed somewhere behind his desk.

“Do you think this is some kind of joke?!” Logan blinked and crossed his arms over his chest, completely unaffected by Scott’s words and attitude towards him. 

“Mr. Summers, you’re disrupting my class.”

“Don’t give me that!” Scott hollered, annoyed at the fact that Logan wanted to start acting professional now. “You are disgusting if you think that-that thing will help me and you have some nerve giving that to me when-

“Scott, you need to calm down,” Logan said calmly and Scott marched on over to him and grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

“Do not tell me to calm down, _James_ ,” he spat and Logan shoved him off of him. “You think it’s funny, don’t you? You just absolutely love to watch me come undone and suffer! Don’t you Logan? Isn’t that what fuels your ego? Making yourself think that your life isn’t as screwed up as my own?!”

“Slim-

“Shut up! Just shut up Logan!” Scott was yelling now and he honestly didn’t care anymore. “You went back and you didn’t save him,” his eyes pricked with tears and his throat tightened. “You could have saved him, Logan.” Logan looked at Scott for a moment longer than usual before turning his attention back to his class.

Figured.

Scott straightened himself up and left the classroom, almost making it to the stairs before he felt a hand on his arm and was turned around. It was Logan. And for once, the guy didn’t look pissed.

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” 

“Yeah well, I’m sure if you did you would’ve killed him yourself. Excuse me,” he shrugged out of Logan’s grip and resumed his course back to his classroom.

“I can help you Scott,” Logan called after him and Scott scoffed, turning back around to face the other mutant once more.

“You want to help me? Stay out of my life and keep those stupid books to yourself.” 

Unbelievable. Scott honestly wasn’t even that surprised by this. Of course Logan of all people would joke about this and then offer to help Scott? Please, it was all a big load of bull.

“You wanna find him, right? I know how.”

Scott halted and let out a heavy sigh of both exhaustion and annoyance. “Logan, clearly you see this whole thing as one big joke-

“I didn’t place the book there, Slim.” Logan was firm and serious and Scott had a gut feeling that Logan was telling the truth. “But I can help you, if you let me.”

Scott made his way back over to Logan and imitated his crossed arms pose. “And why do you want to help me?”

Logan shrugged as if he didn’t know the answer himself. “You kinda need it.” Scott shrugged, sort of agreeing with that statement. “If we do it, we leave tonight after lights out,” he started to whisper then, even though no one was listening to them; Scott highly doubted Jean or Charles were at least. “This stays between us, got it?” Scott nodded and Logan gave a nod before walking back to his class.

So Scott had to pack his bags and try not to get questioned or stopped by Jean. He could hopefully manage to do that but it would be tough.

He would ask Hank too and hope he agreed to come along with him and Logan. Scott never thought he’d be using that in the same sentence-him and Logan. Maybe their little search or whatever could actually make Logan more tolerable and in turn, him and Scott could be friends. 

If not, well, Scott wouldn’t hesitate on blasting him either.

Which was another reason why Hank should come: Be the middleman. Certainly, him and Logan were bound to argue since Logan drove Scott up the wall all the time. And Hank was the most knowledgeable out of the three of them so it wouldn’t just hurt to ask, right?

Scott almost wanted to ask him now since he was already away from his class and he probably wouldn’t get a chance to ask him at lunch since Scott would be too busy packing to have the time.

Making his way back downstairs, Scott walked past his own classroom and went further down the hall to the lab. The door was propped open and Scott peeked in to see Hank was writing something on the board while his students copied it down-the perfect time to call him out into the hall.

“Dr. McCoy,” Scott knocked on the door while he called out his name and Hank turned around, giving Scott a small smile, “may I speak with you for a minute?” Hank nodded and then turned to face his class.

“Copy the formula on the board and with your partner, identify each part listed. And make them all different colors!” Hank instructed his class before he stepped out into the hall and a few feet away from the door with Scott. “What can I help you with?”

Scott took a deep breath. “Logan and I are leaving tonight to look for Alex,” he mumbled quietly and Hank gave him a weird look. “Look, I can explain more later but are you coming or what?”

“Scott, I don’t know,” Hank began and Scott gave him an apologetic smile.

“You know what? It’s okay, just don’t tell anyone else that we’re going though, alright?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Great, thank you,” Scott gave him a final smile before walking back to his classroom and resuming his day like nothing suspicious would happen.

He would avoid Jean, as wrong as it is, as well as Charles, and Logan too to avoid suspicion. Logan was the easiest to avoid out of all of them because he was Logan. Jean usually ate lunch with Scott too but he could figure out a way to avoid that, hopefully.

-  
When third period was finally over and lunchtime came around, Scott raced up to his bedroom and locked the door, just in case. He dragged his suitcase out from under the bed and threw in all the shirts, pants, socks, and underwear that he could get his hands on and that would fit in his suitcase. He also grabbed a few toiletry items as well and prayed that Jean wouldn’t question them missing.

Just as he was about to zip up his suitcase, he heard the doorknob twist and then rattle as if someone was trying to open it. It was probably Jean and Scott started to panic because what if she questioned him? Well of course she would question him because he has his whole life packed up in his suitcase! This would look bad, very, very bad-

“Slim!” Logan hollered through the door and for once in Scott’s life, he was relieved to see Logan. Scott unlocked the door and yanked Logan inside his room, closing the door behind him. “Why is your door locked?”

“Because I’m packing and don’t want to be bothered while I’m doing it!” Scott exclaimed and went back to zipping up his suitcase. “And I’ve avoiding Jean coming in here,” he muttered and Logan gave a slow nod of understanding.

“Jeanie might know, telepath and all.”

“Yeah she _might_ know, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she will know. Not till after the fact at least.” Scott sighed happily once he got his suitcase zipped up and ready to go. “Now to just get this out of here unnoticed-

“What’s going on here?” Scott whipped around to see Jean was standing in the doorway, looking confused. “Logan, what are you doing in here?”

“Jean, I can explain-

“I’m borrowing Scottie’s suitcase,” Logan yanked the thing off of the bed and made his way out of the room, no further questions being asked.

“Hey,” Scott said to her and sat on the edge of the bed, acting like everything was normal. “Why aren’t you at lunch?”

“Could ask you the same thing,” she teased back with a small smile. 

“Oh you know,” he ran a hand through his hair, “Logan made me lose my appetite,” he laughed off and Jean laughed with him. “I should go though, go get some food I mean.” He stood up and tried to walk out of the room, but Jean halted him.

She rested her hand on his cheek and caressed it. “Scott,” she spoke softly, “what’s on your mind?”

“Just been a long day and can’t wait to go to sleep tonight, but I’m on night watch,” he lied, hoping Jean doesn’t detect it but he was sure she would.

“I can ask Charles to swamp you out with me, I don’t mind.” Scott shook his head and gave her a peck on the forehead. 

“I’ll be alright, Jean. Don’t wait up for me tonight though, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed and leaned forward to give Scott a tender kiss on the lips. “I love you.”

“I-Hey kid!” Scott looked past Jean at the empty hallway and used it as an excuse to move past her and avoid that conversation. “Come back here!” Scott ran after nothing and turned the corner till he was out of sight. That was a close one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Scott and Logan are gonna sneak out...
> 
> Will their plan work? Will Hank tag along? Where are they going to go? Who placed that book?
> 
> Stay tuned!!!

**Author's Note:**

> So Scott is going to go find Alex...how is he going to explain that one to Jean and Charles? Stay tuned!!! 
> 
> And the rating may go up to Mature and/or Explicit but we’ll see!! <3


End file.
